The Little Book of Crack oOo Akatsuki Style oOo
by gonyonomaru
Summary: A small look into the lives of Akatsuki members, wow Tobi is more of a pain in the ass than I originally thought... poor, poor Akatsuki members.
1. oOo Itachi oOo The problem oOo

Hello, and welcome to the first chapter of the Akatsuki little book of crack! I hope my readers enjoy this and I want to say that I have nothing against the Akatsuki and any other characters I write about... enjoy!

Itachi Uchiha- The Problem

Itachi had a problem. It wasn't a very big problem, but still for an Uchiha a problem was a complete disaster.

They were just so used to everything working out perfectly, cocky bastards. Anyway, Itachi had a very interesting problem. Everyday he woke up at 5:00am to train, and then go eat breakfast.

His breakfast was simple; it was a triple chocolate chip fudge donut. Healthy huh? So, just like any other day Itachi was just done training and he was headed toward the donut stand.

However, today there was a hooded figure standing by the donut stand. Itachi glared at the figure steadily and from under the hood he could see the wide grin the figure gave him.

He brushed past the figure, got his donut and was about to leave when the figure stood in front of him and said something he did not understand.

It must have been in some other language because it sounded nothing like Japanese. Suddenly, he felt himself being grabbed by a ton of arms and everything went black.

Now you see Itachi's problem, he just got kidnapped.

Itachi woke up an unknown amount of time later and he was quite surprised to find himself tied up to a hot pink chair.

So he looked around and he saw that everything around him was rainbow coloured. Everything was a different colour and for a while Itachi was shocked to see that there were so many shades of pink, green, yellow, purple, and blue.

After snapping out of it he shook his head and tried to get out of his, shudder, pink fuzzy rope. It was simple enough, considering the fact that the rope practically fell apart when he yanked on it.

Itachi got up and looked around, this place was very strange. When he looked at the walls he saw there were many framed pictures of him.

There were pictures of him training, eating, walking, running, reading, and sleeping. Itachi glared at the pictures, how had he not known that someone was doing this.

He felt truly stupid and weak at that moment, but his attention was captured by a sound behind him. He turned around and saw that a man was standing in the doorway.

The man had short black hair and he had his Sharingan activated, meaning he was an Uchiha just like Itachi. The man walked a few steps forward and then said, "Itachi Uchiha, I am Uchiha Madara and I have been watching you for a while."

Itachi glared at the man but then raised his eyebrow when he realized that the room belonged to Madara. What a creep, who on earth that was male had such colourful walls?

Well except for Naruto, but that's a mental disorder.

Madara then stopped forward and said, "Itachi, I mean you no harm, if you cooperate. However, if you don't I will do very horrible things to you."

Itachi looked unfazed but in his mind he was chuckling. What would this lunatic do to him? Tie him up with fuzzy pink rope again? Or, gasp, would he make him stare at the colourful walls?

After his mind was done with the many 'horrible' scenarios Itachi said, "Madara, what do you want?"

Madara chuckled and said, "Well, you see... I need someone to get me groceries." Itachi looked dumb founded and after a while said, "No, I am not your maid."

Then Madara giggled and said, "Uh-oh, bad Itachi needs to be punished for disobeying me." Itachi almost twitched in disgust, almost. Suddenly, everything went black again and Itachi mentally cursed.

Madara knocked Itachi out quickly. This was so much fun, why hadn't he thought of this earlier?

Truth be told, he had gotten this idea from Zetsu, who liked to stalk his food for a full week before devouring it. Then Madara dragged Itachi's body to a neon green mat and dressed him in a frilly hot pink maid outfit.

For the past year Madara had been stalking Itachi, and it was great. Sure Itachi wasn't that entertaining but it was still very fun and now that Madara had kidnapped him he could have even more fun.

He would dress him up, and feed him, and whoa wait a second. He was Uchiha Madara, the most powerful and smart Uchiha of all time. Why the hell was he playing dolly with Itachi?

Simple, all evil villains had a weird super creepy hobby. Looks like stalking and playing dolly was Madara's.

Now Madara was sitting down on a sky blue chair beside the now very girly looking Itachi. Then Madara got an evil idea so he ran over to a shelf with paint on it, got some face paint and then ran back to Itachi.

After that Madara painted hearts and other strange symbols all over Itachi's face. Then for a finishing touch, Madara undid Itachi's long pony tail.

Now he truly looked like a girl, but with really flat chest. Some time later, Itachi woke up but then wished he hadn't when he saw what he was wearing.

It was a hot pink maid outfit, and it was scandalously short. He felt something was on his face but he didn't have a mirror so he could see what it was and for some reason his hair was down.

Ignoring his current state of appearance Itachi found a way out of the bright colourful room and into the hallway. Madara was no where in sight so Itachi began walking down the large maze of hallways.

After about fifteen minutes of walking he saw a walking fish. Wait a second, back up a step. A walking fish?

Itachi narrowed his eyes at the 'fish' when it openly began to laugh at him. Then the fish walked up to him and said, "Hey babe, what are you doing walking around here alone? Come with me, I'll 'help' you."

Itachi glared and then said, "I'm not a woman." Fish-man's eyes widened but then he shook his head and said, "So Tobi got his hands on you?"

Itachi raised his eyebrow and said, "No, Madara did." Then fish-man made an 'ohhh' sound and then said, "Ya same guy, come with me before he tries to make you do creepy gay things for him."

Itachi said nothing but followed fish-man anyway. Fish-man led Itachi back to his room, where he gave him some clothing and let him wash his face.

When Itachi was all cleaned up and looked like a man again fish-man said, "I'm Kisame, this is the Akatsuki base and Tobi is an insane bipolar psychopath."

Itachi nodded and then said, "How do I get out of here?" Kisame shook his head and then said, "You cant, Tobi can teleport so no matter where you go he will find you. The only way you can really escape him is to become a member, he doesn't really bother members." A clear lie.

Itachi nodded again and then said, "How do I become a member?" Then Kisame grinned, silently got up, and led Itachi to the leader. For a secret powerful organization their initiation was extremely silly and Kisame was looking forward to seeing Itachi do it.

With Pein...

Pein sat in the main room quietly, he was bored and nothing eventful had happened in ages. The only interesting thing what that apparently Tobi had a new hobby, but that didn't relate to Pein so he didn't care.

He was thinking of going out for a walk or something when Kisame walked in. Behind Kisame was another man and he looked calm and poised.

Pein leaned forward in his seat and then said, "Kisame, who is this?" Kisame grinned and then said, "This is Tobi's hobby, but he wants to be a member of the Akatsuki."

Pein nodded and then turned to Itachi and said, "What is your name and what are your powers?" Itachi then replied in monotone, "I am Uchiha Itachi, I am a Sharingan user."

Pein gave him a small smirk, he knew of Itachi. He was the protégé of the Uchiha clan and he was extremely powerful. Then Pein said, "You're in, but there is one task you need to complete before you can become a full member."

Itachi nodded and Kisame began chuckling beside him. Then Pein, who was trying not to grin, said, "Dance."

Itachi actually looked surprised and shocked, but he quickly recomposed himself and said, "Is that really necessary?" Pein nodded, Kisame began to laugh, and Itachi sighed.

Then Itachi walked back a couple of steps and did a Michael Jackson dance. Overall, it looked very cool but it raised the question of why Itachi knew this dance in the first place.

When he was done Pein smirked and dismissed Itachi and Kisame. Then the usual Akatsuki cloak, nail polish, and ring were given to Itachi. Finally, when everything was settled Itachi went to his new room to sleep.

That night Madara/Tobi snuck into Itachi's room and stared at Itachi. His plan had worked; Itachi was now a member of the Akatsuki so he could walk in here every night to stare at him.

Insert maniacal laugh here. And to think, this was all because of Zetsu's idea.

Next Chapter will be up in a couple of days! Reviews?


	2. oOo Pein oOo The papercut oOo

Hehe Chapter 2! Just a quick reminder for anyone who is just joining into the story: You can read this in any order you like. The chapters are in no way tied together or in sequential order. Enjoy!

Pein- The paper cut

Konan was sitting in Pein's room quietly. She did this everyday, but she didn't mind.

She and Pein were the best of friends but they simply could not get through a normal conversation. It always ended abruptly because of the awkwardness and so in the end they decided to just sit and not talk.

But now the question of how they communicate arises.

Consequently, Konan was a master with paper so she could send paper over to Pein and then make it return to her after he had written a response.

Pein had immediately agreed and ever since they had been communicating by paper. It was working pretty good too until...

"..."

"... Pein, you're bleeding..."

"What? Where? Konan look what you did!"

"Hey, it's not my fault you can't catch paper!"

"..."

Pein glared at Konan and she glared back. Pein just got a paper cut from one of the written messages Konan had sent him.

Konan looked at the tiny paper cut, why was he complaining about this? It would heal really fast and it would definitely not leave a mark.

Seriously, who has ever heard about a scarring paper cut? Then Pein hardened his glare and said, "This might get infected because of you."

Konan just rolled her eyes; this was too silly for her liking. Pein then stiffened and said, "Don't you dare roll your eyes at me, I am the leader!"

Konan scoffed and then said, "No, Tobi the bipolar idiot is the leader." Pein twitched, meaning she had hit a nerve. Then Pein said, "Apologize for hurting me."

Konan just gave him a blank stare, then when she realized he was serious she just sighed and walked out of the room. Pein glared at her back and then yelled, "You'll be back!"

Konan didn't turn around but gave him the finger, leaving Pein standing in his room alone with a paper cut and severely wounded pride.

It had been a week since that incident and the two of them refused to patch things up. Konan refused to apologize to Pein and Pein refused to get over the fact that it was just a paper cut.

As a result the entire Akatsuki base was in turmoil. Just the other day Konan had sent Itachi and Kisame on a mission in the village of the hidden mist but Pein was about to send them on a mission in the village of the hidden earth.

Thus, when Kisame and Itachi were half way to the mist village Pein appeared and yelled at them for going to wrong way. Then when they began heading to the earth village Konan appeared and began yelling at them.

Dumbfounded, Kisame and Itachi decided to just go back to the Akatsuki base and wait until Konan and Pein stopped fighting. When Konan and Pein discovered this they both got very angry and each of them had a little hissy fit.

By little I mean that you could practically hear them screaming from the other side of the world. By the end of the second week everyone was fed up from having to listen to two leaders instead of them both working together.

Meanwhile, Tobi was just relaxing. Sure he could take control of the situation and force them to patch things up but this was just too much fun.

Many times he had been tempted to just stand in the middle of the room and laugh maniacally but he had to keep up his 'good boy' image.

However, everything changed when Pein and Konan began to actually fight. It was all very violent and even Tobi was a bit anxious about it.

Finally, after two days of non stop trying to kill each other they stopped a few feet in front of each other, looked each other in the eyes and began to make out.

Everyone sweat dropped, how on earth did their epic super violent battle lead to this! Then everyone just walked away with their heads bowed in shame. Their leaders were idiots.

Pein and Konan immediately stopped making out when they saw everyone leave. Then Pein said, "After two days of staring at us they finally leave, we should have done this two days ago."

Konan nodded and said, "Yeah, but now we can continue the final part of the battle undisturbed!" Then Pein smirked and said, "Yes, let's fight."

"..."

"..."

"So... let's fight?"

"Yes..."

"..."

"..."

Si~~~le~~~nce~~~.

Finally Pein said, "What were we fighting about in the first place?" Konan sighed and then said, "I gave you a paper cut remember?"

Then Pein narrowed his eyes and said, "Yes, I remember it perfectly! Now apologize!"

Konan glared and then said, "No, you let it go."

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"Wanna just make out instead?"

"What? Don't change the subject, now let it go."

"No, you apologize."

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!"

Pein and Konan turned to look at the person who had just yelled at them.

Madara stood in front of them without his mask on and then he said, "Now that I have your attention, I command you to forgive and forget!"

Pein and Konan glared at Madara and simultaneously said, "No." Madara face palmed and then after a long sigh he said, "Pein if you don't I will give you something _worse_ then a stupid paper cut and Konan if you don't I will make out with Pein."

Pein and Konan stared at Madara in complete and utter shock before looking at each other and mumbling something along the lines of 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm only saying sorry because I don't want Madara to kiss me'.

Then Madara let out a relived sigh, put his mask back on and in his cheerful Tobi voice he said, "Yey! Tobi made Pein and Konan like each other! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

It had been one day since Pein and Konan stopped fighting and everything was slowly coming back to normal until...

"..."

"Konan, did you just give me a paper cut?"

"... no..."

"YES YOU DID! I SAW YOU CUT ME WITH PAPER AGAIN!"

"You're imagining things."

"No I'm not now apologize!"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"I think its time you got what's coming to you Konan."

"Oh really Pein? Now what might that be?"

"This..." _Chu~~ kissy_

"..."

"You should give me paper cuts more often."

"Yes Pein I should." _Sliiicceee_

"Ah ahhh Konan! What the hell? I was kidding and you just gave me another paper cut!"

"Shut up and kiss me."

Thoughts? Next update in a couple of days. You can always check my profile for the exact day of the update...


	3. oOo Hidan oOo The sandwich oOo

Yey! Chapter 3! Now its time for Hidan! Hehehe...

Hidan- The sandwich

Hidan was no stranger to pain. No, not at all. He tortured himself everyday in the name of some god whose name is not very popular.

So he was used to getting stabbed, bruised, cut, and he was used to blood but he was not used to one little thing... A rash.

As usual Hidan woke up late and grumbled loudly as he got up. Then he did his morning ritual and after washing the blood of himself he went to go eat lunch.

Tobi was sitting in the kitchen eating pancakes and when he saw Hidan he screamed, "Hidan! Tobi made pancakes, Tobi is a good boy!"

Hidan looked at the pancakes, which were all burnt and black. Then he looked in the fridge and took out a sandwich, which said 'Deidera's sandwich, do not eat'.

He tossed the note in the garbage and began munching on the sandwich somewhat contently, this was actually pretty good.

Under his mask Tobi let an evil smirk plaster itself over his face. He had known that Hidan was going to take Deidera's sandwich so he put some chemicals in it. He had gotten then chemicals from Orochimaru's old room, which was just really gross.

Then he ate his purposely burned pancakes happily, now he just had to wait a bit for the reaction to kick in and... _Scratch scratch scratch_...

"I'm itchy..." Hidan said with a frown on his face after he had finished his sandwich. Tobi's smirk widened and he watched as Hidan stood up and began to scratch himself. Then Hidan swore loudly and ran out of the room to go find something to satisfy his intense itch.

Tobi got up calmly after Hidan had run out of the room. Now for phase two of his ingenious plan.

Since his main plan was on hold since Sasuke was still training under Orochimaru he had to think of something else to amuse himself. Unfortunately that something was annoying the crap out of the Akatsuki members in any way possible.

Then Tobi put on a wig and another mask to make himself look different. After that he appeared in front of Hidan, who was scratching himself in a very inappropriate place.

Tobi twitched, that was going to keep him up at night. Hidan turned to glare at the 'stranger' and then said, "Hey! What the hell are you looking at? Who are you anyway?"

Then in his best ghost voice Tobi said, "I am the ghost Nafaharti and I have come to inform you of my curse." Hidan's glare intensified and then he said, "What curse?"

Tobi continued with, "You have stolen a belonging of a comrade so now you shall itch forever! But I will make the itch go away if you complete three simple tasks for me."

At first Hidan was silent and then he said, "Fine, what are the three tasks?" Tobi grinned under the mask and then he said, "Task one is to kiss Kakuzu." Hidan stared at the masked figure, was this ghost insane?

Then he said, "I'm not gay." Tobi just said, "I don't care, do your task and you can't tell Kakuzu you were forced to do this."

Then Hidan growled and pounced on the 'ghost', he wasn't going to take this kind of crap from anybody. Tobi just jumped to the side and then when Hidan was turning around he punched him in the face hard.

Oh yeah, it felt good to actually fight back now. As 'Tobi' he had to pretend to be weak and let himself get hurt. Hidan lay on the floor unconscious and Tobi shook his head.

Damn, all these people were just so weak, and Tobi had thought that Hidan was one of his stronger Akatsuki members. It was just a tiny little punch!

Sighing, Tobi picked Hidan's body up and walked with it to his room. Now he had to wait for him to wake up, what a bother.

Hidan woke up slowly. All over his body was a very nasty rash and his face still hurt from that punch from that 'ghost'. Some ghost, that was like a demon or something.

Then he opened his eyes and found that he was back in his room. He looked around saw that the ghost was sitting on a chair looking at him.

Hidan scowled at it and then said, "Damn you're still here." Tobi smirked and then said, "Of course I am, I am a ghost so I have a ton of time on my hands but you on the other hand have very little. If you don't complete the tasks within twenty four hours the rash will consume you."

Hidan's face paled a bit and then he frowned and said, "Fine, but do I still have to kiss Kakuzu?" Tobi nodded and Hidan got up and went to go look for Kakuzu.

He found him in the treasury and before Kakuzu could say anything Hidan grabbed his face and pulled him into a deep rough kiss. Tobi watched from the sidelines, this was so entertaining.

Maybe he should make the rest of the tasks kissing. Then Hidan pulled away and walked out of the room briskly with Tobi close behind. When Hidan was far away from

Kakuzu, who now had a severe nosebleed, he stopped and turned to face Tobi and said, "Alright ghost, what's the second task?"

Tobi was silent for a moment before saying, "Your second task is to bring me Itachi's boxers." Hidan was silent for a long time. Why the hell would a ghost want Itachi's boxers?

Then he sighed and said, "Fine, I'll try." Tobi grinned; he had wanted Itachi's boxers for a while now. Don't ask me why because I really just do not want to know. Let's just think of Tobi's want for Itachi's boxers as a side effect to medication.

With Itachi...

Itachi was in his room and he sneezed suddenly. Someone was talking about him.

Then Itachi sighed and walked out of his room, he was hungry and he wasn't just going to sit here all day waiting for someone to bring him food. After Itachi, left Hidan walked into his room quickly.

Then he opened every single drawer he could find and looked for Itachi's boxers. He couldn't find them and he was starting to freak out, Itachi would be back any minute now.

Hidan opened Itachi's closet but then closed it quickly when he saw a million pictures of Sasuke in it. He was about to run out of the room but he felt a killer aura behind him.

Hidan slowly turned around and saw Itachi standing at the door with a plate of food in his hand. Then in a deadly low voice Itachi said, "What are you doing in my room?"

Hidan chuckled nervously and then said, "Uhh... I'm looking for... my... hair brush?" Itachi saw through his lie and then said, "I will not repeat myself."

Then Hidan looked down like kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar and said, "I got threatened by a ghost to get your boxers." Itachi looked at Hidan, sighed and then said, "It's just Tobi playing dress up again."

Hidan stared at Itachi in shock and then yelled, "No way! Tobi can't punch this hard!" Then he pointed to the large bruise from Tobi's punch.

Itachi said nothing and then sat down on his bed before saying, "Get out, I need to eat." Hidan left quietly and winced when he saw Tobi in his disguise standing in front of him.

Tobi had been waiting for a while now, how long could it take for Hidan to get those boxers? He sighed when he saw Itachi walk into his room; Hidan was as good as dead.

A few minutes later Hidan walked out and then winced when he saw him. Tobi looked at him expectedly and then said, "So, where are Itachi's boxers?"

Hidan glared at him and said, "Drop the act Tobi! I know its you!" Then under his breath he muttered 'just don't punch me again'.

Tobi stared at Hidan for a while; he was contemplating whether to act like Tobi or Madara. He chose his fake Tobi act and then in his fake high pitched voice he said, "How did Hidan guess Tobi is ghost! Hidan is smart!"

Hidan just shook his head and went to his room; his rash was acting up again. Oh how he regretted eating that damn sandwich...

Reviews? 5 more chapters until the story is done!


	4. oOo Kisame oOo The goldfish oOo

Woohoo! Chapter 4! Its sharky's turn!

Kisame- The little goldfish

Kisame lay on his bed quietly. He was thinking about what he would eat today. He didn't feel like eating human food or any of the fish he had in the giant aquarium in his room. Then he got an idea; he needed to get some new fish! After that he quickly got dressed and went to go see the leader.

With Pein...

Pein sat in his large meeting room with Konan. She was trying to teach him how to make a paper crane but so far the best thing he had made was a crumpled ball of paper.

Needless to say Pein was in a very bad mood and he was ready to snap. The only reason he didn't start yelling at Konan was that she had threatened to shove a million paper cranes up his ass if he did.

Suddenly, Kisame ran into the room with a huge grin on his face. Now lets see, Pein needed to yell at someone but not Konan so that leaves... Kisame. Pein stood up and before Kisame could even say one word Pein yelled, "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

Kisame's grin temporarily disappeared but then he bowed and ran out of the room. Pein had told him to get out and he could do that. So unintentionally Pein had just allowed him to leave the Akatsuki base to get more fish. Nice.

Later...

Kisame walked into Itachi's room with an insanely large grin on his face. One reason for such an extreme facial expression was that he was going to buy fish and the other was that Itachi was sleeping.

Meaning Kisame had the honour of waking the Uchiha up. Kisame stood beside the bed before bending down and into Itachi's ear he yelled, "WAKE UP POOKIE!"

Immediately Itachi woke up and for some unknown reason he screamed, "MADARA NO DONT TOUCH ME THERE!" Kisame twitched and then said, "So Itachi, now that you're up wanna come with me to go get fish?"

Itachi slowly stood up, turned to glare at Kisame and after a second he realized that Madara was not here he said in a deadly calm voice, "Kisame, why do you lie to me?"

Then he activated his Sharingan and Kisame gulped, maybe this was a bad idea. Itachi began walking toward Kisame, who now looked like he just crapped his pants and then he said, "Yes I'll come with you, but only if you beg."

Kisame just stood there shocked but then when he saw Itachi's smirk he realized he was serious and he sighed. Then Kisame cleared his voice and in a high pitch he said, "Oh please Itachi-sama come with me to go buy fish!"

Itachi seemed content with that and he kicked his partner out of the room so he could go get dressed.

"Kisame, how did you get leader to let you go in the first place?" Itachi asked after a long amount of silence.

Their leader almost never let them leave the base on personal whims. Kisame chuckled and then said, "He was in an extremely good mood."

With Pein...

Meanwhile, back at the base Pein was 'in an extremely good mood'. He was just about ready to blow the entire base up and he was close to praying for lighting to strike Konan.

She kept trying to make him make that stupid paper crane and she had made it perfectly clear that he was not making it out of the room until he was done.

Then Tobi walked into the room cheerfully and in his fake voice he said, "Heeellloooo Pein-sama! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

Pein turned to face Tobi and after forgetting that Tobi was actually Madara he yelled, "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU ANNOYING LITTLE SHIT".

Tobi said nothing for a while but then he took his mask off and in his deep Madara voice he said, "Care to say that to my face?" Pein shut his mouth quickly and then he looked down before saying, "Sorry leader-sama."

Then Madara put his mask back on and then in his Tobi voice he said, "Tobi forgives you! But now you have to go make Tobi cookies for yelling!" Pein groaned, when was this day going to end?

With Itachi and Kisame...

Itachi and Kisame were nearing the village where they sold living fish. Kisame was very excited about it and Itachi had to tell him multiple times not to 'giggle like a retard'.

Finally when they were in the village Kisame began running around all the fish stalls and he got many strange looks from the villagers. But then again, when didn't Kisame get strange looks? He was half shark for goodness sake.

Itachi walked behind him calmly, he was still determined not to draw attention to himself. Finally Kisame stopped running around and he stared at one fish in particular.

It was a beautiful pure gold goldfish and for a second Itachi wondered if Kisame had just fallen in love. He was looking at the fish with such passion in his eyes that Itachi was rather creeped out.

Then Kisame snapped out of his trance and he said, "I want this one! Give it to me now!" The vendor looked really scared but he gave the fish to Kisame and Itachi paid for it.

Then Kisame began running out of the village with Itachi just walking behind him. Somehow Itachi ended up getting to the Akatsuki base before Kisame, who now looked really scared.

All that running had shaken up the little goldfish and it looked like it was sick. Then Kisame ran straight to his room and dropped the little goldfish into his aquarium.

After that he spent the next hour staring at the poor thing while it swam around. Itachi was going to talk to Kisame but when he saw his staring at the fish he just shook his head and left.

Damn, he was surrounded by idiots.

With Pein...

Pein grinned smugly at Konan as she looked at the paper crane he had just made. She looked at him, sighed and then said, "Good job, you're done." Pein stood up and then said, "Finally, I'm free! In your face!"

Then he strut out of the room confidently but then stopped when he saw Tobi standing by the door. "Pein-sama! Time for you to make me cookies!" Tobi said cheerfully and Pein swore he could see the blood thirsty grin he had behind the mask.

Tobi followed Pein into their kitchen happily, this was much more fun then acting his age and he got free cookies too.

With Kisame...

Kisame stared at his little goldfish. It was the most beautiful thing in the world and he couldn't wait to eat it. However, his stomach turned at the idea of eating such a beautiful fish.

He sighed and shook his head, he was going to keep this fish forever and nothing was going to stop him.

With Tobi and Pein...

Back in the kitchen Tobi was thinking of causing even more turmoil in the base. He had seen Kisame run into the base with a fish and he had heard Kisame swear never to eat the fish.

It was clear the right now Kisame would give his life for the fish and this was the perfect opportunity to make him suffer.

Tobi ran out of the room and while Kisame went to go to the bathroom Tobi got the little goldfish and then ran back to the kitchen.

Pein gave him a confused look when he saw Tobi holding the fish in his hand. Then Tobi said, "I want fish cookies."

Pein shook his head; maybe all that power Madara gained had just gone to his head, making him insane. Pein then took the little fishy and put it into the cookie mixture.

Now he just hoped that Tobi would not make him eat this abomination. Then Pein quickly put the cookies on the tray and shoved them in the oven.

Tobi nodded happily and then said, "Now listen..." "AAAAHHHH WHERE IS MY FISH! NOOOOOOO!" Pein's eyes widened when he realized where Tobi had gotten the fish in the first place.

With Kisame...

Kisame had just gone on a quick potty break but when he had come back he had discovered that his little fish was gone. So he yelled into the air and then sat down on his bed to mope.

Then he quickly got up and began looking around the base. The fish could not have gone far. Eventually he had looked everywhere so he went to the kitchen because it smelled like cookies.

Tobi and Pein were in the kitchen and Pein was looking at the cookies he had just made. Tobi was looking at the cookies too but neither of them made a move to touch them even though they were cooled.

So since Kisame was hungry he said, "Can I have one?" Pein said nothing but Tobi picked up the largest cookie and gave it to Kisame before saying, "Yup! Tobi is a good boy because he shares!"

Kisame looked at the cookie and for some reason it had a small bump in it. He shrugged and took a bite of half the cookie. Pein shook his head and Tobi tried to resist the urge to laugh maniacally.

However, he failed so he settled for deep creepy chuckling instead. Kisame chewed the cookie slowly but then stopped when the unmistakable taste of fish entered his senses.

Then he quickly realized what the bump was, it was his little goldfish. He looked up at the chuckling for of Tobi and then he said in a deadly low voice, "You. Killed. My. Fish."

Tobi stopped chuckling, gulped and then ran out of the room quickly. Kisame followed soon after and Pein was left standing in the kitchen with a tray of fish cookies.

Then he picked up a couple of cookies and began walking back to the meeting room where Konan was. Time for revenge.

Haha Thoughts? 4 more chapters left!


	5. oOo Sasori oOo The second chance oOo

Time for Sasori! Muwhahaha, Sakura shall pay for killing him :P Or will she? Dun Dun Dun...

Sasori- The second chance

He was dead. Dead. Dead. Completely freaking dead. Sasori walked down the long tunnel he was in.

That bitch Sakura had just killed him and he was not happy about that.

While he had been alive he had heard that in death there is a light at the end of the tunnel. He had also heard that there was only one path in the tunnel.

However, now he was standing at an intersection that led two ways. One led to golden heavenly gates but the other led back to his room. Confused he decided to walk to his room and suddenly he felt he was falling.

Later...

Sasori woke up slowly. Wait, why was he waking up? The last thing he remembered was that he had died and he had been walking down a tunnel and into his room.

Sasori got up from his bed slowly and looked around but he saw that he was not in his room. This room looked like a girl's room because there was a hairbrush and lots of pink objects.

Then Sasori was going to walk out of the room to figure out where he was but instead a familiar woman walked into the room. The woman gasped when she saw he was awake and Sasori gave her a hateful glare.

_She_ had killed him; Sakura... why was she here? She ignored his glare and then she said, "I'm glad to see you awake, how are you feeling?"

Sasori hardened his glare and said, "What do you care, you're the one who killed me _Sakura_." He spat her name and she shook her head and said, "What are you talking about? I killed your captor, Sasori, I found you in your master's room and you looked like you needed help so I took you in."

Sasori closed his eyes and thought. She didn't recognize him so that means he could be anyone and she would have no idea who he was.

Then he opened his eyes and looked at her before saying, "Do you have a mirror?" She nodded and gave him her pink mirror.

Sasori looked in the mirror and to his shock he saw he now had short black hair, blue eyes, and he looked _real_. His hand reached over to his neck and he couldn't stop the gasp when he felt his heartbeat.

Sakura gave him a happy smile and said, "So what's your name?" Sasori knew he couldn't give his real name so he said, "My name is Kira, I don't have a last name."

Sakura nodded and said, "Come on, you're just in time for breakfast." Sasori followed her out of her room and when she turned away he let a small smirk form on his face. This was perfect, now he could be close to her and then when she trusted him he could kill her. This was definitely the perfect opportunity for revenge.

Sakura led Sasori to her kitchen and she gave him a couple of pancakes with syrup. He ate them very fast; it was like he hadn't eaten in years.

Surely enough it was true; he hadn't eaten food since he had become a puppet. When he was done he looked up at her with a piercing stare and she swore she had seen it before somewhere.

Somewhat uncomfortable Sakura said, "Kira, do you remember where you're from?" He shook his head and she replied with, "Its ok, you can stay with me for a while then."

Sasori was a bit taken back; she was offering him a place to stay. It was so strange, he was a complete stranger and he had no idea why she cared. So he just bluntly said, "Why are you doing this?"

She gave him a small smile and said, "I want to help people and this is the perfect chance." Sasori nodded and then fell quiet, this was so strange.

Here he was in the same room as the person who killed him and she had no idea. Surprisingly this was the first time in a long time that he felt safe. He knew she would not hurt him as long as she didn't know his true identity.

One week later...

It had been a week since Sasori had been living with Sakura and things were actually going good. He had been sleeping on the couch but he could not complain because it just felt so good to be alive.

The feeling of the blood rushing in his veins was heavenly and now he was able to eat food, which was just so delicious. It also turned out that Sakura was not such a bad person.

She was truly selfless and she tried to be as non violent as a ninja could be. Also, during the week Sasori had discovered that he could still use the same jutsu he had been able to when he was a puppet.

Sakura had been very impressed when she had seen him practicing and it made Sasori get a strange warm feeling in his chest. Finally, the most important thing that had happened during the week was that Sasori had realized that maybe dying was a good thing.

After all, his life was now perfect and it was like he got a second chance. So, after thinking for many hours Sasori decided not to try and kill Sakura.

With Sakura...

Sakura had been extremely happy this past week. Although she swore she had met Kira before he was just so perfect.

For the first two days he had been completely cold to her but then he slowly began to change and he was actually very kind. He always complimented her cooking and he was always giving her his full attention.

She didn't mind it and she was glad to see that someone actually seemed to care about her at least a bit. Sure Naruto cared about her but now he was just so busy he never paid any attention to her anymore.

Now before she knew it, it had been a full month since she had been living with Kira. He had gotten a job at a large store and she knew that soon he would have enough money to move out.

For some reason that made her sad and she wanted to confront him about it. So one day she sent him a small message to meet her at the training field.

With Sasori...

Sasori looked at the note quietly. It was from Sakura and for some reason she wanted to talk to him. When his shift was over he got his things and left quickly.

He didn't want to keep her waiting. Finally he arrived at the training field and Sakura was there waiting for him.

Sasori walked over to her quietly and looked her in the eyes when she gave him a small smile. She began quickly with, "Don't leave."

Sasori gave her a confused look and said, "Leave you? Why would I do that?" She looked down and then after a deep breath she said, "I know that you have enough money to move out but please don't... I like living with you!"

Sasori was silent for a while before saying, "I like living with you too and I'm glad that you feel the same."

She stared at him and then said, "But...?" He gave her a small smile and said, "There is no but, Sakura... I think I like you... I'm not sure but every time I'm around you my heart feels warm and I feel happy..."

Her eyes widened and she stared at him in shock before smiling and saying, "I feel happy around you too... I like you too." Then Sasori gave her another small smile and he was shocked when she leaned forward and gave him a sweet kiss.

After a while he kissed back but then pulled back when he remembered that he had to tell her something. She looked at him with her wide eyes and he said, "Sakura, don't leave me, but I have a secret to tell you."

Her face fell and she looked down before saying, "I knew it, there's someone else isn't there?"

He put his hand on her chin to make her look up at him before saying, "No, there is no one else... The truth is... I am not Kira... I am the one you killed. I am Sasori."

Then before she could react he pulled her into a rough kiss. He felt her kiss back and he pulled away with a smirk on his lips.

She looked him with tearful eyes and said, "Sasori... oh no... I'm so sorry... I... I didn't know you were so good... I'm sorry... I'm so... Sor-" He cut her off by putting a finger on her lips and saying, "There is no need to apologize, the past is the past we must move on."

She nodded and hugged him tightly. Sasori looked up at the sky with a smile, he never needed to go down that other tunnel that led to heaven, this was heaven enough for him.

*Stares at screen in shock* What... what...? This is not right! Sasori was supposed to kill Sakura.. not... not _this_... *Sigh* Damn it my own fingers have betrayed me...

Thoughts? And please forgive me for letting Sakura live! *bows head in shame*

3 chapters left, next update in a couple of days!


	6. oOo Tobi oOo The idea oOo

Now it had recently come to my attention that Tobi has snuck into a couple of other chapters even thought he was not supposed to. Sneaky little bastard. So, I decided to give him his own chapter. Here it is!

Uchiha Madara/Tobi- The idea

Uchiha Madara was a true evil genius. Not only was he immortal, gorgeous, powerful, and smart but he was also stupid, irresponsible, and silly. As you probably guessed the first four characteristics are for Madara and the last three for Tobi.

Now in Madara's eyes Tobi was his greatest plan. As Tobi he could act like a complete retard and get away with it. Moreover, he could make everyone feel comfortable around him so he could get valuable information.

Finally, he could disrespect anyone and anything in any way without having to think of the consequences.

It was just a usual day and Tobi was wandering around the Akatsuki base. First he went to go see Itachi, who completely brushed him off and gave him a hateful glare.

Second, he went to go see Kisame, who for some unknown reason threw fish guts at him. Tobi looked unaffected but Madara was so disgusted that he wanted to strangle Kisame right then and there.

After calming down a bit he went to go see Deidera and he bugged the blonde for a while. At the end Deidera began screaming curses at Tobi, who just ran around like a girly idiot trying to dodge all the clay bombs that were being thrown at him.

Finally he got sick of playing dumbass and left quickly. For some reason his day was not going so well. Usually the other members put up with him for a while, but today they all had PMS.

He walked down the hall absently and wondered what had gone wrong. However, he wasn't watching where he was going and he accidentally bumped into Pein.

With Pein...

Pein was pissed, really, really pissed. But then again, when wasn't he pissed?

He had just lost one of his piercings and he had no idea how he was going to show his face to anyone.

Suddenly Tobi walked into him and Pein had no idea how to react. He temporarily forgot that Tobi was actually Madara and he yelled, "WATCH IT!"

Madara frowned but then in his Tobi voice he said, "Sorry Pein-sama, Tobi will watch where he is going." Pein just scoffed and walked away briskly.

Tobi shook his head and kept walking down the hallway. Then he had a wonderful idea; why not pretend to be Itachi and have a complete spaz attack.

Everyone in the Akatsuki was under the effects of his Sharingan and he could easily make them think that Itachi was now Tobi and Tobi was now Itachi.

Grinning he activated the Sharingan and very quickly appeared in front of everyone, looked them in the eyes and disappeared.

He did this so quickly that they didn't even have time to register who was looking them in the eyes. Then he carefully cast the genjutsu and walked into the room where everyone was.

They were all looking at Itachi and Hidan yelled, "Woah Tobi when did you get here!" Itachi gave him a confused look but it was hidden under the mask that Itachi had no idea he was wearing.

Then he got up and left, making everyone wonder why he was so quiet. Kisame turned to Tobi, who to all of them looked like Itachi, and winked.

Tobi said nothing but went to sit down quietly. The rest of the hour went by quietly but near the end of it Tobi nearly screamed when he felt someone grope him.

His head turned sharply to see Kisame grinning and he saw him mouth 'my room tonight'. Tobi stared at Kisame in shock, why was he groping Itachi?

So just to make it clear if it is confusing, Itachi now looks like Tobi to everyone in the Akatsuki but he doesn't know it. Tobi now looks like Itachi to everyone in the Akatsuki and no one knows it. So in short Kisame just groped who he thought was Itachi.

Tobi looked forward and sat in silence. Kisame had just groped him and he had no idea how to react.

Then he thought about how Itachi would react and he turned to give Kisame a long blank stare. Kisame looked unaffected and instead he groped Tobi again.

Now Tobi was totally freaked out so he decided to do something Itachi would never do and yelled in an extremely high pitched voice, "KISAME JUST MOLESTED ME!"

Everyone turned to stare at him, including Itachi. Kisame gave him a shocked look but then glared and said, "That's it, Itachi I didn't want to have to do this but you are going to get a spanking."

Tobi just gaped in shock and Itachi turned blue from disgust. Then Kisame grabbed Tobi's hand and began to lead him out of the room.

Itachi looked extremely confused at first but then when he realized that Tobi had switched their appearances he let a very creepy grin form on his face.

Tobi gave Itachi a glare but Itachi's grin just widened and he mouthed 'karma'. Tobi followed Kisame quietly out of curiosity but when he saw Kisame led him to his room he paled a bit.

Kisame smirked and said, "So Itachi, welcome to my room." Then he tried to give Tobi another grope but now that no one was looking Tobi grabbed his hand and twisted it roughly.

Thus successfully breaking it and Kisame yelled in pain. Then Tobi released the genjutsu so he looked like Tobi again. Kisame gaped but then for some strange reason he had a nosebleed when he saw Tobi take his mask off.

Tobi, now looking like Madara glared at Kisame and then in his deep Madara voice he said, "Kisame, why did you grope me when I looked like Itachi?" Kisame gulped but then said, "It was a friendly welcome?"

Madara hardened his glare and said, "A friendly welcome? _A friendly welcome!_ HOW DARE YOU TRY AND MOLEST MY RELETIVE!"

Kisame paled a bit but Madara grabbed his other hand and broke it. Then when Kisame tried to fight back Madara grabbed his head and smashed it into a wall as hard as he could.

Kisame hissed in pain and grabbed Madara's hand but Madara disappeared. Suddenly he reappeared in behind Kisame and with one swift motion cut Kisame's head off.

With Itachi who looks like Tobi...

Itachi was sitting in the room back with all the other Akatsuki members with a huge grin on his face. Now he looked like Tobi so he could act like it too.

Deciding to try it out he walked over to Pein and slapped him in the face. Pein hissed and was about to yell but Itachi screamed in high pitch, "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

Then Itachi proceeded to bash all of the other Akatsuki members on the head with a plate he found in the kitchen. At that exact moment Tobi made the genjutsu disappear and he looked like himself again.

Everyone looked at Itachi in shock when they saw him still holding a plate and smashing it over Hidan's head. Itachi stopped and then glared at everyone coolly when he realized that the genjutsu was now broken.

Then Itachi was about to leave the room when Madara walked in holding the bloody head of Kisame. He absently threw it at Itachi and said, "There, he won't be molesting you anymore relative."

Now everyone turned to stare at him in shock and Madara gave them all a glare. The Hidan said, "Who are you and what are you doing here!"

Madara was quiet for a moment before clearing his throat and screaming in his Tobi voice, "Hidan doesn't recognize Tobi? But Tobi is a good boy!"

Itachi then cleared his voice and coughed, *cough Madara you cough forgot your mask cough* Madara turned to look at him in surprise before looking down and muttering 'shit'.

Hahahaha, what did you think? 2 more chapters left! Next update in a couple of days.


	7. oOo Zetsu oOo The dirt oOo

Yey Chapter 7! Time for the freakish plant man thing!

Zetsu- The dirt

When we were small we all learned a very valuable lesson; to always wash our hands before we ate. However, for some reason Zetsu did not learn this simple rule. That's how his trouble starts. Oh well, at least now he'll think twice before eating humans.

It all began on a relaxing Friday evening. All of the Akatsuki members were at the base relaxing quietly. Zetsu walked in calmly; he was the last one to get to the base.

Behind him he dragged a tied up woman, who by the way was screaming curses at everyone in the room. They just ignored her as Zetsu dragged her to his room and put her on his table.

Since he was rather hungry and in a bad mood he decided to skip washing his hands and just dig in. The woman let out a horrified high pitched scream when she saw Zetsu approach her with a knife and fork.

Huh, who would have guessed; Zetsu actually had some table manners. Back in the main room when the other members were Tobi sighed and thought 'every week this happens and every time he forgets to gag his victims...'.

By now the woman was beginning to beg for her life but Zetsu just bit her head off and then let out a relaxed sigh. There, peace and quiet.

Then Zetsu finished eating the woman and licked his hands greedily. Humans were just so delicious.

The next day Zetsu woke up with a start when he felt sudden abdominal pain. He ran to the bathroom and puked into the toilet violently.

When he was done he shook his head in confusion. What on earth had caused this? Shaking his head again he went to the kitchen to get himself something to eat.

He could eat human food but humans were just a special treat to him. Tobi was already there and Tobi gave him that Don't-touch-my-cookies look.

Zetsu ignored him and grabbed the box of cookies from the 'secret' place Tobi had put them. The reason it was 'secret' is that it had a sign that said 'Tobi's cookies' on the cabinet.

To be more precise all over the kitchen there were arrows pointing to that cupboard that said 'Do not touch'.

However, when he opened the cupboard door he was shocked when a puppet flew out of there and stuffed its hand into his mouth.

Zetsu let out a muffled scream and Tobi laughed at him loudly. Behind the mask Tobi had a rather insane looking grin on his face. Zetsu got the hand out of his mouth, turned to face Tobi and then screamed, "Tobi what the hell!"

Tobi just giggled and said, "It said do not touch! So Tobi warned Zetsu but Zetsu wouldn't listen so... TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

Zetsu shook his head and left the cookies. After having that puppet hand stuck in his mouth he completely lost his appetite. Meanwhile back in the kitchen Tobi had a very accomplished grin on his face. He knew he was enjoying this too much but hey, he was immortal and he had nothing better to do.

Zetsu sat in his room quietly. He was contemplating whether or not to kill Tobi or not. Suddenly he felt the same stomach pain as the morning and he ran into the bathroom to puke. When he was done he left the room quickly.

There was no need to think; Tobi was so dead.

With Tobi...

Tobi walked around the village with a brisk pace. He needed to be quick. Then he saw a tall human woman and he rushed over to her.

She gave him a glare but he just looked her in the eye and with the Sharingan he knocked her out. Good, phase two of operation make Zetsu sick was complete. Now he had to get the woman back to the base and set her up as a trap.

When he was at the base he smeared a little tiny bit of dirt on the woman. That would definitely give Zetsu a stomach ache. Then Tobi left the woman in the middle of the hallway and waited to see when Zetsu would find her.

With Zetsu...

Zetsu was walking down the long halls of the Akatsuki base with a killer intent. However, that intent completely disappeared when he saw a human woman lying in the middle of the hallway.

Looking around he saw that no one was going after her so he grinned, picked her up, and ran into his room to eat her.

Back in the hallway Tobi walked out of the wall, looked around to make sure no one was around and let out a very loud maniacal laugh. It was good to be him.

With Zetsu...

The next morning was the same as the previous in the sense that Zetsu woke up with a start and went to go puke. Upset he walked to the kitchen and after making sure that there were no puppets anywhere he grabbed some rice and ate.

Tobi watched him from the living room. Tobi was a million percent sure that Zetsu would take the sushi but nearly screamed in shock when he saw Zetsu take the rice.

Then he watched in even more surprise as Deidera stood up and took the sushi from the kitchen. He gulped but stayed quiet. Tobi had put some nearly deadly germs into the sushi and now that Deidera was eating it... he was going to get very, very sick.

Later that day Zetsu was in a rather good mood because Tobi had been staying very far away from him and he hadn't puked since. However, Deidera looked like he was in hell.

He had huge bags under his eyes, he was sneezing non stop, he was extremely pale and he couldn't stop shaking. To make matters worse Tobi kept following him everywhere and screaming 'BLESS YOU'.

Tobi looked very happy and cheerful but in truth he was slightly worried. Deidera looked deathly sick so he had to follow him to make sure he was alright.

Now it was lunch time and Tobi and Deidera were eating in the kitchen. Tobi had a very special way of eating; every time he had a spoon full of food he lifted his mask up for a millisecond and ate it.

To the untrained eye it looked like food was just disappearing from the spoon. However, in the middle of the meal Deidera sneezed at the exact second Tobi lifted his mask up. The tiny germs flew from Deidera and right into Tobi's open mouth. Up in the heavens above karma was laughing its ass off.

By evening Tobi was just as sick as Deidera. Zetsu walked into the room and gave him a smug look.

This was definitely karma for trying to make him sick and Zetsu was enjoying every moment of it. Under the mask Tobi wore a very deep frown and when Zetsu gave him that smug look it took him every ounce of will power not to stand up and rip his face off.

It was so tempting, very, very tempting. But he knew that if he just tore the face of another Akatsuki member off no one would ever look at him the same. Sighing Tobi looked up at the ceiling and then glared.

This was all karma's fault. Tobi hardened his glare and then muttered 'This isn't over' under his breath. Karma gulped.

Reviews? Final update in a couple of days.


	8. oOo Konan oOo The paper oOo

Thank you for sticking with me so far! This time Konan gets her own chapter! But why is Tobi determined to make it hell for her? Read and find out!

Konan- The chicken... and pills.

Tobi sat and glared at the author precariously. How he hated her right now.

Gulping, the author began typing the chapter but then stopped when Tobi got up from his seat and yelled, "You're writing a chapter about Konan! Why?"

The author closed her eyes for a second and began muttering, 'I'm not insane, he's not here, I'm not insane, he's not here' over and over again so she didn't notice when Tobi got a chair and began typing the chapter for her.

You would think this was a sweet gesture but go on ahead, read the chapter and I'll see if you think it's sweet then.

With Konan...

Tobi sat in the kitchen, looking masculine as ever in his _very_ sexy orange swirly mask. He was the very definition of 'sexy' and he loved every moment of it.

Then stupid Konan, ugly and paper like, walked into the kitchen and sat beside Tobi, who looked offended that Konan dared to sit beside him. So, he pushed her off her chair and glared down at her.

She immediately began to cry and beg for his mercy but Tobi-

"I'm not insane, he's not here, I'm not- hey what the hell are you typing!" the author yelled at Tobi, who looked very _un_sexy in his orange swirly mask. Then she read the few sentences Tobi had written and scoffed.

"Konan? Beg for your mercy? She would much rather stab herself in the heart multiple times." She said to Tobi, who was now contemplating whether to kill the author or not.

"Shut up, every chapter so far that has me in it either makes me get sick, act like a retard, or act like a creepy pedophile that wants to get in Itachi's pants. So I wanted to make a chapter that makes me who I truly am, an immortal sexy genius!" Tobi yelled angrily at the author.

She sighed and said, "So you don't want to get into Itachi's pants? Because I clearly remember that when you were playing Truth or Dare with Deidera you admitted that you indeed _did_ think Itachi was 'sexy' and 'your type'."

Tobi stood up from his seat gave the author his trademark Uchiha glare and walked out of the room, but not before saying, "Screw you, and we both know who can snap your neck faster than lightning if this chapter makes me act not like myself!"

With that, the author had the computer all to herself again and she could finally begin typing the actual chapter.

With Konan...

Tobi sat in the kitchen; he was happily munching on some very oily chicken.

Then Konan walked into the kitchen calmly, got some salad, and sat across from Tobi.

Then as Tobi was eating his chicken he got an evil idea. Konan was made of paper wasn't she? So if he got chicken on her she would be transparent and he would be able to see her, insert perverted giggle here, boobies.

So, Tobi got up as calmly as he could and then suddenly chucked his bowl of chicken at Konan.

It hit her right in the face and dripped down her body surprisingly quickly. Tobi waited to see her turn transparent with a creepy grin on his face under the mask.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...and... _Smack_ "Tobi what the hell were you thinking!"

Tobi stared at the angry form of Konan with shock, she was not transparent, but she was covered with chicken and she looked so very angry.

Then after shaking her head, Konan walked out of the kitchen to go find something else to change into.

With Pein...

Tobi was still sitting in the kitchen, but now with a bottle of pills.

Whose pills? Itachi's.

He had gotten his hands on Itachi's medication and he was now wondering what would happen to him if he had some.

Then the very hungry looking form of Pein walked into the kitchen, and since he was indeed so hungry he grabbed the first thing that looked even remotely edible.

In this case it was the bottle of pills that Tobi had been holding.

Pein hungrily swallowed twenty pills and the immediately left the kitchen.

Tobi just sat there, but then he got up and went to follow Pein. He wanted to see what would happen to Pein before taking the pills himself.

With Konan...

Konan was having a hard time choosing what to wear instead of her chicken covered clothes. So in the end she just left her room in search of Itachi, he was great at giving fashion advice.

On the way there she ran into Pein, who looked like he had just had a happy pill. It was partially true, he had taken some pills.

Tobi read the label on the pill container and it said 'Anti-depression pills'.

Then before Tobi could even gasp Pein opened his mouth and in _extremely_ high pitch he screamed, "KONAN I'M HUNGRY GIVE ME FOOD."

Konan stared at her 'leader' and after sighing picked off a piece of chicken from her Akatsuki cloak and gave it to Pein, who took it happily.

When he was done with that bit, bone and all, he looked at Konan expectedly.

She didn't even have the chance to get another piece of chicken off herself, or run for that matter.

Pein jumped on her and began _licking_ her. Yes, read that over. Pein licked Konan.

Tobi just stared at the scene, before throwing the pills on the ground roughly. He was crazy enough as it was, he didn't want to do that to anyone. Well, maybe Itachi, but I digress.

By now Konan had gotten over the extreme shock of what Pein was doing and she began trying to get him off her.

He, of course, didn't want that so he began clinging to her like a mentally challenged toddler.

After deeming all of this too creepy, Tobi left to go see what Itachi would do when he found out his anti-depression pills were gone.

So, that leaves Pein and Konan on the floor, alone.

Don't start getting all perverted on me. I just meant that there would be no one to help Konan if Pein did something to her. Gah, that's perverted too. Stupid Tobi and his perverted innuendos are stuck in my head.

Anyway, as Pein was licking Konan and Konan was trying to get Pein off herself she got an idea. This was probably Tobi's fault, because well, lets face it, everything that goes wrong in the Akatsuki base is Tobi's fault.

Since this was Tobi's fault she figured that she needed to get revenge on him, so she said, "Pein, Pein, stop, if you want some more food I know where you can get a lot. Tobi is made of chicken, so you can go eat him!"

Immediately, Pein let go of Konan and began running in the direction that Tobi had gone.

Konan began walking after him, she had to see this.

With Tobi...

Tobi was, gasp, _calmly_ walking down the hallway after Itachi, who looked like he just saw an innocent puppy die.

Why? Because he still hadn't been able to find his anti depression pills, courtesy of Tobi.

Suddenly, Pein ran out of no where and tried to jump on Tobi, who was able to sidestep just in time.

Pein, having expected to land of Tobi, was shocked to see that he had to peel his face off the wall and not Tobi.

Tobi looked down on Pein in confusion, why the sudden attack? Then Pein got up and said, "Tooooobiiiii, me ish each you cush you ish chiiiiickeeen."

Translation to normal English: Tobi, I'm going to each you because you're chicken.

Tobi looked at Pein with a rather extreme facial expression that showed shock before glaring at Konan and sprinting down the hallway.

Pein eagerly ran after him while screaming, "Come back chicken!"

They never saw Tobi or Pein again after that so Konan became the next leader of the Akatsuki. Everyone was extremely happy, including Itachi after he found his pills.

So, now, my readers, the 'Little Book of Crack Akatsuki Style' is now over. Why? Well, any minute now Tobi is going to walk into my room, read this, tie me up, and kill me gruesomely. I want to live... so I'm just quickly going to publish this, jump out my window and run for my life. Wish me luck!

Later...

Tobi walked in the room but then narrowed his eyes when he saw no one was in it and the window had a very strange person shaped hole in it.

He looked at the computer and there was this chapter. He quickly read it and after getting out his weapons he jumped out the window in search of the author.

She was sooo dead.

Reviews?


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